You Are NOT Your Job…

Damn… I wish that were true.

Let me back up.
I am (mosty)proud of  what I have done professionally in my career. Back in June I was ‘downsized’ out of my job at a decent sized company. Not for what I had done, it was ‘just an unfortunate circumstance’ as a division I was working on was dissolved. I got a package that enabled me to survive while I got a job.

I certainly went crazy looking for a new gig and found one 10 weeks after. The only problem is that it was certainly a step or two lower than what I was doing. The interesting part is that it is essentially the same money (which is why I took it).

I figured that I would work my ass off and impress people in getting things done and I would quickly get promoted… Good idea? maybe in theory.

My new employer moves painfully slow. I am not even sure they are moving forward. Do you remember that scene from Risky Business when Tom Cruise is stilling in his high school classroom waiting for it to end and the second hand on the clock actually moved backwards? That’s how it seems sometimes.

The problem is that I keep getting assigned these crazy archaic spreadsheets to ‘update’ that not only will never be really looked at but can be easily obtained though the web tools we pay for. In addition, as I have suggestions on how to improve things that are ‘industry best practices’ or I find things that prove one of our agencies are ripping us off, nothing happens.

These things destroy me… apparently. I am so incapacitated sometimes I can’t focus. I have to walk away (as proof, I am writing this post on my lunch break because I just can’t deal).

But your not supposed to be your job? I LOVE what I do… Im a 24/7 guy and I don’t call it work (most of the time). The problem is that I am undervalued and when I try to show my value I get shot down. When I try to bring value, its ignored.

I need to be valued… thats for me.

I need to be valued… because I also need to get promoted and make more money… thats for myself and my kids

I should just disconnect. Do what I am told and get paid while looking for something else. Like someone told me… do your job and keep your head down.

I do it well sometimes but sometimes, like right now? I really just want to walk.
I can’t. I won’t. It just really sucks.

I feel like shit doing these meaningless tasks assigned by my bosses boss who has no idea what ‘digital’ is and has no interest in doing things different in order to be better. He is just content with doing things they way they did it last year. Does that work for anyone?

I am not my work… I am not my job. I gotta keep saying some sort of stupid mantra like that so I stay sane. We both know that is not going to work.

I gotta focus on doing my job, looking for something better, and consulting in the meantime. Know anyone that needs a ‘experienced results driven digital marketer’? lol.

Time to go… gotta go update my resume. 🙂

4-4-14-Update… For the most part, I am numb to the BS that happens at work. I’m still looking for a new opportunity and actually have 2 phone interviews next week. The real question is, this keeps happening to me or at least it seems that way. Is it me? Is it the type of work environment I choose? Maybe corporate america is not what I need? Maybe I always end up being the ‘agent of change’ and maybe I just need to be with people with a similar skill set so I can stop fighting and get to the next level instead…. if I am not too late.

 

 

Fast and Furious – How His Vocabulary Grows

After more than a year and a half of over-analyzing and agonizing over James’ reluctance to speak, I quickly learned that James had been studying language very carefully for quite some time. When he finally broke his silence it became quite apparent that he was a clever wordsmith, carefully stringing together groups of words to form entire sentences; and he was funny.

“James, did you do that on purpose?” I would ask.

“No,” he would reply, “I did it by my stink.”

“Um, what?”

“By my stink. I did not mean it. By my stink.”

“By your stink? What does that mean, James?”

“It stinks I did it wrong on accident.”

Can’t argue with that reasoning. I also couldn’t correct him because it was ridiculously cute.

Three-year-old James used to love to watch Monster Truck racing on television with his dad. One of his favorite trucks was named Maximum Destruction. James preferred to call him “Maxi-Home Destruction.”

“Why is he called Maxi-Home Destruction, James?” I would ask.

“He would crush our home if he tried to park in the driveway.”

Fair enough.

James is also quite competitive.

One day I was gardening in the back yard and my husband was testing the new sprinkler system he had just installed. Just as the water stream shut off I looked up from pulling weeds to see James’ bare bottom across the yard.

Upon closer inspection I noticed that James had pulled down his pants and was peeing into my herb garden, so I shouted, “What are you doing, James?”

James shouted back, “I’m winning!”

“Winning what?” I asked.

“The sprinkler peed on me so I am peeing back and I am winning!”

When I stopped laughing I instructed my husband to run the sprinklers in the herb garden for a few extra minutes that evening.

Journal entry: Three year olds are a constant source of entertainment. James “sprinkled” in the garden today to teach the sprinkler a lesson. You can’t make this stuff up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not an illusion…

I have a marriage therapist. I see him once a week. He tells me I’m challenging, in a good way somehow.

I perceverate on the fact that paying the bills is my responsibility. I also need to advance at work to make more money. Ultimately most of who I am are tied to my job and my financial responsibilities

He thinks I need to look at it differently. While I understand why, I don’t get how that is going to change reality. I need to pay the bills. I need to make more money. How does my perspective change that?

If my kids can’t eat… If I can’t pay the mortgage… Am I supposed to blow that off? How is that acceptable?

Shit, gotta go… Gotta work

The Last One To Know…

Its from a song… “The Last One To Know…. Is The Last One To Cry…”
What’s missing is what should be obvious… she might be crying now but I did plenty of crying (ok im not really the crying type though I get emotional) for YEARS.

Don’t get me wrong, I sincerely wish she was not crying but honestly? Its her turn, I had mine.  Denial is a powerful thing and she has been living it for years… let me explain.

Let me use another song quote to start off… this one is from (slightly embarrassed) the country singer Tanya Tucker.
“If it don’t come easy, you gotta let it go”.

My wife and I spent most of our relationship waiting for something to happen. When that event happened, ‘we’ would be better.

‘Once the semester is over, we will be better’

‘Once the sale of the house closes, we will be better’

‘When I get less stressful job, we will be better’

It does not work like that… yes, things would be better because there is less stress but there is always going to be stress. If you are not getting along NOW and it is a consist thing? talk to Tanya Tucker.

DRAFT