Earthquake…

What are you afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen to you? With the exception of a loved one getting really hurt, job loss, is the most devastating thing that could happen to me. To me, its worse than death and the foundation of an explanation as to why is within Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and my history. Well, that is where I am, thus the ‘earthquake’. I lost my job just over a month ago. I was provided a good severance package so I still have a good income but now my job is some sort of a nightmare. My full-time job is getting a full-time job.

Ok, so Maslow recognized that there are levels to your needs. In short, first you need ‘Physiological’ needs. These are things like: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep. If you have those, you can work on achieving the next level, “Safety” needs. These are: security of body, employment, resources, etc. IF you can get that, the next level is ‘Love/Belonging’ which covers friendship and family. When you have that you get to the ‘esteem’ level where you build self-esteem confidence, etc. Ultimately you want to get to the final level which is ‘self-actualization’. Sounds like a video game to me but a hell of a difficult one as we all know. You might have bits and pieces of the different levels but supposedly it won’t all be complete until you have all of them within the various levels. Each level builds the foundation to the next.

I pride myself in my work. I’m passionate about it, it makes me happy, and it addresses ‘Maslow’s’ Safety need. I expand my ‘safety need’ to include the needs of my family. My need to provide for them.  Without this level complete, which is provided by MONEY and thusly my job, very little else matters. It obvious and undeniable that I can pay little attention to anything else in this type of situation. The only thing positive that was born of being unemployed for me is the temporary escape cycling provides during these times.

The fact that I lost my job 8 days after I left my wife is crazy. Living separate makes the fact that its been 5 weeks and she does not know almost ideal. I have no intention of telling her… when I get a new job I will simply let her know I got a new job. Telling her would do nothing more than make the situation worse as she is unable to help resolve the situation.  I had been unemployed before and I was a defeated mess. I did the job search thing, it was during the recession and got nowhere. Did the entrepreneurial thing out of desperation and lost more money than I can stomach to think about. It wasn’t that I’m not an entrepreneur at heart, its simply because you do stupid shit when you are desperate. I was desperate to ensure the safety and security of my family.

While I am not ‘desperate’ quite yet, I am certainly constantly fighting fears that I am not going to find a new full-time job before my severance package runs out which as I write this is 44 days, 10 hours, and 56 minutes away. I probably spend equal time between actually working to find a job and worrying about it. Can’t avoid it, can’t control it.

The bottom line here is that I am doing all I can to preserve the safety and security of my daughters. They are going through enough without having to worry about daddy not having a job. Be rest assured, they will never know I lost my job. I will fight to the end for the ability to tell them I left my old employer and have a new and better job. You know how people talk about ‘the light at the end of the tunnel?’ Well is really like a water well that I am at the bottom of looking up and seeing the light.  With a ton of different meanings, only the light at the end of the tunnel matters… just got to climb my way out. Will I is yet to be determined. I’ll keep you posted.

 

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