I lost so much.

It snowed again.. can’t remember how many storms we had this year… its been a blur.
Normally I don’t come over to the house to plow the driveway and a path for the dog but I got out early today and came over. Nobody was there when I got there so I went straight to work. You all came home when I was almost done. I was in a suit and coat not in snow gear so I could not join them as you played in the snow in the back yard. I watched from the picture window…

It was like in the movies. Like a Norman Rockwell painting came to life. You and our two girls… and the dog playing in the snow, throwing snowballs, rolling around with each-other. At least for those moments, you all looked so happy and carefree. I guess those moments happened when I was still ‘at-home’ but I can only remember a handful.

I was numb for most of the time as I watched. Everyone saw me eventually and waved. The numb turned to pain. I lost my family… wait… you took my family. You made it so unbearable and unhealthy for all of us that I had to leave. You took them from me. I should be in that painting. I wanted to be a part of that movie.

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